


You make me good

by Yellowpillows



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Feelings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-02-09 02:04:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12877851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellowpillows/pseuds/Yellowpillows
Summary: There was something about Kelley O'Hara that made her want to spill her gut out to her and give her the world. This scared the living shit out of Hope.





	1. Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!! Sorry I haven't updated in a while but I have finals next week so I've been so busy. There are two songs in this fic called Smoke&Mirrors by Demi Lovato and Homesick by Dua Lipa and Coldplay.
> 
> Just a reminder that this is all fiction guys. They are people in real life and I like their personalities and how they mold together. None of these events really happened (from what I know).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each chapter is going to have like a song theme. Enjoy:)

Before Hope Solo met Kelley O’hara she usually strayed off to the side by herself. It wasn’t that she was antisocial, she just merely liked observing and listening to what her peers had to say. Hope remembers the first camp where she met Kelley, the girl was like a ball of energy that caught the keeper’s eyes right away. Unlike some of her other teammates who opted to leave the broody keeper alone Kelley was captivated by the Keeper. The young defender made it a challenge to break down Hope’s walls and quite frankly, Hope let her.  It was during the friendly against Iceland when the two girls first connected. They were roommates for the week, when they first got the assignment Hope sighed defeatedly. The older keeper knew that they would train hard all week and had brought some books she wanted to read during their off times.

 

“Hopeee, you’ve been reading forever.” Kelley said annoyed. The team had a light practice that morning and got the rest of the day off. Kelley surprised Hope by jumping onto her bed and crawling in beside her.  The keeper felt warmth creep up her neck but brushed it off and pretended she didn’t notice Kelley in her bed.

 

“Can you read to me?” Kelley asked, Hope was not expecting that question. Kelley poked the girl’s side and looked up at her, Hope rolled her eyes and grumbled, “Ok Kell.”

 

Kelley squealed and curled into Hope’s side resting her head on the keeper’s chest listening to her heartbeat. Hope’s body stiffened, Kelley was just full of surprises. As Hope read she felt more and more at ease. After she was a chapter in Kelley realized that Hope was mindlessly running her fingers through Kelley’s honey brown hair. The defender relaxed and gave into the sleep that was taking over her. After a while, Hope noticed that Kelley was asleep, she couldn’t help but smile down at how cute Kelley was asleep. Hope gently closed her book and let herself fall asleep peacefully.

 

Kelley woke up blindly reached over for her phone trying to check her notifications. She had two texts from Tobin first asking her if she wanted to go juggling then saying “Never Mind” twenty minutes later. Kelley quickly sent out a quick apologetic text. The defender looked over to the keeper who had her arms tightly wrapped around her waist and face snuggled into her back.  Kelley tried to untangle herself from the older girl and slip out of bed but Hope just simply tightened her hold on the younger girl.

 

“Hopey we gotta go to lunch, I’m hungry.” Was the first thing Hope heard when she woke up. The usually closed off girl found that she had her arms sprawled out tightly over Kelley’s waist and was snuggling into her back. Hope retracted her hands so quickly she almost hit Kelley in the face.

 

“Sorry,” The keeper grumbled out trying not to smile. Hope remembers the first time she saw Kelley play. She was so entranced by her smoothness on the field that for a full 90 minutes she never took her eyes off of her. But of course, that’s something she would never admit to anyone ever.

 

“Hello, Earth to Hopey. I was asking what you wanted for lunch?” Kelley peered at the girl amused.

 

“One, don’t call me that. Two, I’m really craving Mcdonalds.” Kelley rolled her eyes, _seriously we fly over to Portugal and she wants to eat Mcdonalds?_

 

“We just gotta make sure Dawn never finds out about this.” Hope chuckled, the trainer was going to have her head if she found out that her star keeper stuffed her face with a big mac two days before a big game.

 

At Mcdonald's Kelley orders 2 Big Macs earning a strange look from Hope.

 

She simply replied, “I’ll run it off later.” Before going up excitedly to get her order.

 

They sat down in the corner and plunked down their trays. Kelley was already halfway through her first hamburger.

 

“So where is the rest of the team?” Kelley asked with her mouth stuffed with food. Hope couldn’t help but smile at how adorable the girl looked. She handed her a napkin.

 

“Carli said that they went to some beach party, you wanna stop by after?” Kelley was always up for a party. She wasn’t just up for a party, she usually is the life of it.

 

“Yea, sure I kinda just wanna chill though is that ok?” Hope asked digging into her Cheeseburger.

 

Kelley looked up at the girl and for the first time she realized that Hope looked so tired and drained.

 

“We’ll just kinda chill to the side ok?” Kelley reassured her softly crumpling up her wrapper. Kelley was glad that she got to see this softer side of Hope and that the keeper trusted her enough to show it.

 

“You don’t have to stay with me, I know you probably wanna go talk to people too.” Hope said, she knew Kelley knew everyone there and didn’t want her to have a bad time because she was hanging out with Hope.

 

Kelley cocked her head to the side, “Nah, I wanna chill with my favorite keeper.”

 

“So you admit, I’m your favorite keeper.” Hope said smirking.

 

Kelley rolled her eyes and tossed her wrapper at Hope, “Don’t let it get to your head Solo.”

 

“Oh I will, O’hara.” Hope replied with a giant smile on her face.

 

They walked in a comfortable silence towards the beach party that was about 10 minutes away from their hotel. Hope stealing glances at Kelley happily walking and enjoying the view. It was always hard for Hope to open up, opening up meant that she would get hurt. Everytime she had ever opened up, she regretted it. Yet knowing all of this, there was something about Kelley O’hara that made her want to spill her gut out to her and give her the world. This scared the living shit out of Hope, she has never in her life felt this strongly about someone.

As they approached the party there was a bit of people there, Hope spotted Carli and some of the girls playing 5 on 5 on the beach. There was music and food and a lot of people in the water. She also noticed that the squirrel never strayed far from her, occasionally stopping to say hello to people.

 

Kelley pulled Hope over into a hammock that overlooked the beach. From there they could see the look on their teammates faces smiling over at them.

 

“So you enjoying yourself?” Kelley asked snapping Hope out of her daze.

 

Hope looked up at her, “Yea, it’s really relaxing here, thank you.” she was exhausted and her shoulder was in pain.

 

They were sitting side by side brushing shoulders, something in Hope just snapped. None of this usually happened, over the years she has mastered the art of acting okay even when she wasn’t. There was something about Kelley, that made her feel at home. She made her feel like it was ok to feel to be weak. Kelley saw the pain flashing through Hope’s eyes.

 

“What’s wrong, you’ve been different lately, if your shoulder bothering you again?” Kelley asked out of concern.

 

“It’s nothing Kells, don’t worry. It’s just hurting a little, it’s not a big deal I don’t want it to affect how much I play in this next friendly.” Hope sighed and got up to go grab a soccer ball.

 

“Hope you’re not okay, this is going to hurt you in the long run.” Kelley said trailing behind her.

 

“Just leave it alone Kelley.” Hope said sternly and that was the end of it. Kelley shrugged and started juggling another soccer ball.

 

“Hey solo, I’m a little cold.” Kelley said shivering, the wind had picked up and became a little chilly.

 

Hope knew that Kelley probably only used that as an excuse to steal her sweatshirt but she didn’t really care. She smiled over at her and handed Kelley her blue national team hoodie. Kelley slipped it on, it was a little big on her because the keeper had a few inches on her. Kelley didn’t care though she felt so warm and fuzzy surrounded by the smell of Hope.

 

“Hey what’s up my dudes?” It was Tobin who made her way towards the pair on the beach.

 

Hope gave the midfielder a fist bump and smiled, “Not much, just showing O’hara here how to play real soccer.” She teased.

 

“Hey!” Kelley pouted back at her and Hope swears she melted a little bit.

 

“Do you guys wanna come play truth or dare with me, Lex, and Moe?” Tobin asked.

 

“Yea! Sounds fun, Hopey you wanna come?” Kelley asked. Tobin raised her eyebrow at the use of that nickname earning a death glare from Hope.

 

“I’m fine you go ahead, I have to make a phone call.” Hope said reassuring the girl.

 

“Ok, find me later yea?” Kelley said surprising Hope with a tight embrace before skipping off with Tobin to find Alex and Moe.

 

Hope sighed and looked down at her phone not looking forward to the phone call she knew waited for her. On the walk from Mcdonalds to the beach her mother had texted her to call her. This was the first time since she had come out to her mother 8 months ago that she had tried to contact her. Hope took a deep breath and pressed the call button.

 

Her mother picked up on the third tone with a oddly cheery voice.

 

“Hi honey, how are you?” Her mom asked.

 

“Cut the crap mom, why did you ask me to call.” Hope asked sternly her voice showing no emotion.

 

“Today I ran into Karen’s son! Did you know he’s single? I just thought that you two could be a good match!”

 

Hope didn’t know what to say she was stunned. She was also enraged. Enraged that her mother asked her to call her to set her up with a guy. Enraged that after 8 months of radio silence she doesn’t apologize for how much she hurt her, or ask how her career is, or even compliment her on her successes. No...all she called for was to set her daughter up with a lowlife deadbeat that could never even begin to compare to Hope.

 

Hope couldn’t manage to get any of these words out of her mouth so she just hung up. She just slumped onto the sand and stared out at the ocean.

_You’re stupid thinking that she could love you, that anyone could love you. Stupid, stupid, stupid, for thinking that anyone would stay around for anyone like you._

All this negative thought was just swimming around her head at 100 miles per hour.

 

She didn’t even realize that she was crying into her knees. Hope quickly dried off her eyes in case anyone near her saw her. She didn’t want anyone to see under her walls. Hope grabbed her phone that she had left on the sand and walked towards the hotel. On the way she passed by where Kelley was playing truth or dare and the defender smiled over at her. Hope returned with a weak smile quickly turning away hoping Kelley didn’t notice her puffy eyes. But of course she noticed.

Kelley always notices.

 

“Hey guys I think I’m gonna head back to the hotel.” Kelley said after she saw Hope. She wasn’t stupid she knew something had happened during that phone call to get the keeper so riled up.

 

“Already?” Tobin asked totally oblivious to Kelley’s face of concerned.

 

“Yeah are you too chicken to play with us?” Alex asked laughing with Tobin.

 

Kelley shot her friends a quick smile, “Nah guys I’m just tired and we have a big practice tomorrow. I’ll see you at dinner?”

 

“Ok, Squirrelly love you.” Alex said without much thinking.

 

Kelley got up from her place on the table to walk towards the hotel when Tobin saw the giant “Solo” on the back of her sweatshirt. She shot her friend’s a mischievous look and took a picture of the squirrel.

 

Hope couldn’t get out of her mind. When she got back to the hotel she flopped onto her bed and burst into tears. It wasn’t just tears, she was full on sobbing. She thought back to her childhood and all the good days. The sports she played and she remembers when her mom was her safe zone. Her relationship with her mother only started to be strained when she decided to play soccer, you’d think that by the time she won her first gold medal the women would turn around but she never did. She was a hard headed woman unwilling to accept things that she didn’t like and was unwilling to get rid of the stigma that surrounded a lot of things.

 

_There was a plexiglass between Hope and her mother. And sometimes her mother makes her forget that it’s there until Hope runs back towards her and runs into it._

 

She couldn’t stop crying until she heard a knock on the door. She did what she did best, dried her eyes, put on a brave face, and answered the door. Hope was surprised to find Kelley, the girl didn’t say anything just immediately wrapped her into a tight embrace.

It took approximately 10 seconds before Hope full on sobbed into Kelley’s neck.

 

“Ok sweet girl, ok let’s go to the bed.” Kelley said guiding them over to the bed. They laid down next to each other, Kelley holding Hope who was crying into her chest now.

 

Kelley didn’t pry or try to get her to talk she just held her and whispered sweet nothings until she calmed down.

They were in a comfortable silence when Hope opened her mouth to speak.

“I’m sorry.” she said her voice raspy from crying. Kelley turned her head to look at her and smiled.

 

“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong but I’m here ok?” Kelley reassured the girl. She knew that Hope had a lot of walls and the fact that she was in her arms right now, meant that  Kelley had torn down a few.

 

“My mother, she called for the first time in 8 months since she kicked me out and disowned me” Hope said her voice quavering again. Kelley just kissed her temple and held her tighter.

 

“I just want her to be proud of me, that’s all I ever wanted.” Hope choked out, Kelley realized that she sounded like a scared little child.

 

“I’m proud of you.” Kelley said looking at Hope.

 

“I’m so damn proud of how much work and determination you put into everything you do. I’m so proud of the way you carry yourself day in and day out. I’m proud of you for facing the world even when I know you get overwhelmed sometimes.” Kelley said sitting them up.

 

Hope was about to say something but Kelley shushed her.

 

“You are amazing, and wonderful, and god you have so much love. You stand up for what’s right instead of what everyone thinks is right. Are you perfect? No. But that’s what I admire so much about you. It’s that you have all these cracks and breaks but you put them back together and you create something beautiful. So I don’t care what your mother thinks of you, I think she’s stupid to not see who you are Hope.” Kelley got out and wiped the tears going down Hope’s cheeks.

 

“Thank you.” Hope replied, no one has ever treated her with such respect and love.

 

“Come here.” Kelley got off the bed and pulled  Hope up. She plugged her phone into her speaker and started playing a slow song.

 

“Dance with me?” She offered. Usually the big bad keeper would roll her eyes and say no. But right now, she just wants to be held.  

 

\--

It’s alright to cry

Even my dad does sometimes

So don’t wipe your eyes

Tears remind you you’re alive

It’s alright to die

'Cause death’s the only thing you haven’t tried

Just for tonight, hold on

\--

They swayed to the song, Hope feeling both safe and scared out of her mind. No one has ever made her feel this secure. What was she doing? Kelley would never feel the same.  She pushed the thoughts out of her mind, they didn’t matter right now. Because right now, Kelley had her arms around her neck and head on Hope’s chest.

\--

It’s alright to shake

Even my hand does sometimes

So inside the rage

Against the dying of the light

It’s alright to say that death’s the only thing you haven’t tried

But just for today, hold on.

\--

This was the camp that Hope knew she was so screwed.

 

 

Over the next few camps, the duo was connected at the hip. They always hung around each other in their own little bubbles. Eventually, the national team went into an off year where they didn’t play as many games. Kelley was busy with Sky blue and Hope was busy with the Seattle Reign. They FaceTimed every other day and texted non-stop but none of that ached the feeling in both of their chests. Hope had a free week where the coaches wanted to give the new kids a chance in the goal so she could rest her shoulder. It took a few shots of whiskey before she ended up in front of her computer buying the first ticket available to Atlanta. The flight was at 2 in the morning so she had a little over an hour to shower, pack, and get to the airport. Hope packed super light she was a lot like Tobin. Everything she needed could fit into a small suitcase. The keeper threw in some shirts, hoodies, and a few pairs of sweatpants and jeans and headed off to the airport in a taxi.

Since as long as she can remember she was deathly  
afraid of flying. Airplanes were like metal tubes hurling at 400 miles for 4 hour to a certain doom. Yet here she was, preparing for lift-off her fingers grasping the armrest so tight that they were white. She would do anything just to see Kelley and to hold her. She needed Kelley, even if the girl didn’t need her the same way. Hope closed her eyes and focused in on the music she was listening to.  
—  
It was only a smile but my heart it went wild  
I wasn't expecting that  
Just a delicate kiss, anyone could've missed  
I wasn't expecting that  
—  
Her mind wandered to the freckled defender. That’s where her mind always seems to be lately. She thought about how she felt like she was going to have a heart attack every time Kelley threw her head backs and laughed. Or the way she would find a way to break down Hope’s walls. Hope would never admit this to anyone but she felt warm whenever the defender would nuzzle her head into Hope’s neck and accidentally fall asleep. She drifted off to the thought of Kelley.  
—  
Did I misread the sign?  
Your hand slipped into mine  
I wasn't expecting that  
You spent the night in my bed,  
You woke up and you said  
Well, I wasn't expecting that  
—  
Maybe she felt scared because letting people in wasn’t worth it. Or maybe she was scared because Kelley made her feel like she mattered. Despite all of this, she found herself going back everytime. Knowing this might break her own heart but not really minding. She’s been running away her whole life, she couldn’t promise that she won’t krun again. But for once she wanted to stick around to see what happens good or bad. Hope slept through most of the flight, waking up just before they started preparing for landing. She felt weirdly nervous about seeing Kelley.  
Did she cross a line? What if the defender didn’t want her here?  
The first thing she noticed was the sunrise that was happening outside of her little airplane window. It was like Atlanta was welcoming the goal keeper to the city. She also realized how tired she felt despite sleeping through most of the flight. She felt exhausted from the wave of insomnia that hit her in the past month.

Hope didn’t have to go through baggage claim because she carried on her suitcase. She went straight outside and got into a taxi. When she turned her phone off airplane mode she saw a text from Kelley

Squirrel(5:30): Had to get up for a run and it was so cold. Have you been able to sleep?

She smiled down at her phone and typed in a quick message. She knew that Kelley didn’t have practice today because it was a Sunday.

Hope to Squirrel: Not much, I miss you like hell though.

Hope immediately saw that Kelley was typing back.

Squirrel to Hope: wish you were here right now tbh.

Hope smiled widely at the text. She decided she would text Kelley back when she was in front of her door. The city outside of the taxi window was beautiful. It looked alive as people were getting up to go to work.

Kelley’s house was only 20 minutes away from the airport. It was in a small neighborhood that was 5 minutes away for a soccer field. Hope laughed to herself, of course the defender would choose the live in walking distance to a soccer field.

Hope grabbed her suitcase and hoisted herself on Kelley’s porch and pulled out her phone.

Hope to Squirel: Open the door.

Squirel to Hope: What? Did you mean that for someone else.

Hope to Squirel: Kelley open the door I’m tired.

Hope bearded scrambling down the stairs and than a wide eyed Kelley O’Hara opened the door. Hope gave her a wide grin.  
“I missed you, and I didn’t know if you want me here. Sorry if I should’ve-“ Kelley interrupted her ranting by wrapping her into a giant hug.

“I missed you.” Kelley mumbled into the keeper’s chest.

Kelley welcomes her into her house.

“Can we just sleep for a little bit?” Hope asked looking down at Kelley.

“Yes.” Was all Kelley said before she surprised Hope by picking her up and throwing her into her bed. Hope threw her head back and laughed, when did the girl get so strong?

That morning in Kelley’s arms Hope never slept better.  
—  
I wasn't expecting that  
Then you closed your eyes, you took my heart by surprise  
I wasn't expecting that  
—  
They woke up a little after 2 in the afternoon. Kelley just laid there looking at Hope sleep. She knew that the keeper has been having trouble sleeping. The young defender couldn’t help but feel warm at the sight of Hope with her mouth a little bit open snoring lightly. She was honored that she got to see this side of Hope. Not many people got to see this most vulnerable side of the keeper. On the outside she seemed reserved and laid. She saw her green eyes open and smiled at her.

“You’re really here.” Kelley basically whispered.

Hope smiled peacefully and wrapped her arms tighter around Kelley’s waist nuzzling into her neck.

“Yea, I’m here.” She said. A lot has changed since that first time Kelley and her took a nap in that hotel room in Portugal. Hope was more comfortable with affection and often times initiated it.

“Did you sleep well?” Kelley asked running her fingers through Hope’s long black locks.

“Better than ever.”

Kelley smiled, she wanted Hope to feel safe with her. Hope might not know this but Kelley did need her in the same way.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was during a camp months later when Kelley felt that there was something off. Usually the keeper would stick to Kelley’s side since the moment that they land. Kelley was surprised when Hope hung around Carli and some of the younger kids. She didn’t really think much of it the first day and hung around Tobin and Alex instead.  All day Kelley stole glances at the keeper.  At practice they were seperated but it was normal, the keepers always worked with different coaches.  But when Hope immediately went back to her hotel room after practice without even acknowledging Kelley, the younger girl had enough. She madly threw her gear back into her duffel and took off for the hotel. At the hotel, Kelley dropped her stuff off in her room that she shared with Moe and made her way to Hope and Carli’s room. The girl stopped in front of the door and took a breath, she gained her composure and knocked on the door. Moments later a very disheveled looking Hope Solo opened the door surprised.

“Kelley..” She said barely opening the door.

Kelley crossed her arms, “Why are you doing this?” she asked her face softening a little bit.

Hope’s eyes were unsure and cloudy, “Doing what?” she answered with a question. Kelley scoffed in disbelief at the older girl.

“Avoiding me like I’m the freaking plague, god Hope...you can’t even look at me. And the worst part? I don’t get what I did wrong. Everything was great and then all of the sudden it’s like you fell off the face of the damn earth. You stopped answering my texts, you stopped calling me. God Hope, what could I have done that was that bad?” Kelley blurted out overwhelmed.

Hope opened her mouth but nothing came out, her heart broke when she saw how upset Kelley was.

She stood there for a few seconds before opening her mouth and saying, “I just have a lot going on right now.”

Kelley shook her head tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “You seem to be ok with everyone else I get it.” She gave up and turned to walk away. Deep down she was hoping that Hope would come after her but everyone knows that not every wish comes true.  

__

Waiting till the demons come

Wait for us to see them run in our direction

Now they're staring at us through the trees

Got us falling to our knees to teach us a lesson

__

Hope knows she fucked up bad, as soon as Kelley left she closed the door and broke into sobs. Kelley hated her, she would never understand that Hope was trying not to hurt her. A few hours later, Carli came into the room and spotted her curled up crying in the corner.

“What happened Hope?” Carli broke the loud silence of the room. Hope took a breath and lifted her head up to look at Carli.

“I can’t..Kelley..she hates me.” was all that Hope could get out at the moment. Carli sat down by the keeper, they were best friends but Carli knew that Hope needed space.

“Why would Kelley hate you?” Carli asked confused.

“Because, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be bestfriends with her because I know I’m going to screw it up. I screw up every good thing in my life. She’s good, she’s so good. She’s like a breath of fresh air after I’ve been drowning. But I’m not good for her, she deserves a better person to lean on.”

Hope knew her feelings for Kelley and it scared her. It scared her how much she wants to be selfish and have Kelley but she can’t do that, because Kelley deserves better. Kelley deserves better and she is not better.

Carli rubbed her back, “You need to fix this. Hope you are going to hurt her more this way. If you care about her you need to fix this. It’s not up to you who she deserves, it’s up to her. Don’t do this to yourself or the kid.”

Hope leaned her head against the wall and sucked in a breath. Carli’s wise words calmed her down and she was thinking more clearly.

“I really screwed up huh.” She said giving Carli a small smile.

“Moe texted me that the squirrel was crying in her room. You might want to go fix that.” Carli said leaning over to wrap Hope in a quick hug.

Hope nodded she knew that she had to fix this. Her feelings were killing her, but hurting Kelley? It felt like her whole world was crashing down.

__

Did you ever really love me?

Did you ever really want me?

Now that I see you clearer

I wonder was I ever really happy

Didn't get the chance to ask me

__

Hope walked to Kelley’s room and composed herself. Kelley probably hated her and never wanted to see her again. The usually confident and stone faced keeper, never felt more small in her life.

Hope approached the door her knuckles irritated from her constant scratching of it. When her anxiety was worked up or she was stressed she would always start to scratch at herself. It was a habit that Kelley soothed her from, but now it came back. It took a moment of courage before she knocked on the door. It was Moe who answered the door and stepped outside.

“Okay, I respect you so much and look up to you. You’re one of  my role models, but what the hell did you do? I’ve never seen Kelley sunshine and butterflies O’hara so torn up over anyone.” Moe said basically fuming, Hope knew she shouldn’t but she found it adorable how protective the rookie was of Kelley.

“Can I talk to her?” Hope asked nervously rocking back and forth on her feet and taking sudden interest in her shoes.

Moe pointed towards the door and nodded, “She’s asleep right now, she might be less mad when she wakes up. I’m going to go to lunch with Kling and Horan.”

Hope nodded and surprised Moe with a hug, “Thank you for taking care of her.” she offered the small girl a smile and walked into the room. Kelley and Moe’s hotel room was dark with a stream of light coming in through the curtain peak. She saw a figure on the far bed closest to the window, Kelley was asleep with her hand thrown over her mouth snoring lightly. Hope couldn’t help the flutter in her chest as she headed towards the sleeping girl. She smiled down and pulled the covers up for her. Hope perched herself onto the other bed and plugged in her headphones, she listened to a playlist that Kelley had made for her earlier that year.

__

You give me a reason, something to believe in

I know, I know, I know

You give me a meaning, something I can breathe in

I know, I know, I know

__

She thought of Kelley, who took up most of her thoughts anyways. She remembered the time that Kelley surprised her on her birthday. The defender flew in at 5 in the morning exhausted but insisted on taking Hope on a hike and out for ice cream. She ended the night with a slow dance by a giant lake and stargazing. By the end of the night both of the girls headed off to bed when they could barely keep their eyes open. It was easily the best birthday that Hope has ever had. No one in her life put so much detail on planning something for her and took so much time to make her happy. Sitting there on that bed, Hope realized that she was in love with Kelley Maureen O’hara with all that she is and ever will be. She realized that she was going to be there for Kelley no matter what because when you love someone you want them to be happy….even if that doesn’t include you.

Kelley drifted awake from her restless slumber about a hour later. Hope immediately stiffened up on her bed. The girls turned on her side a stared at her for a full minute before saying in her raspy voice, “Hey.”

Hope was surprised, she had expected to see Kelley angry or refuse to talk to her.

“I’m sorry.” Hope said looking over at Kelley who just layed there looking at her.

“Let me, explain ok?” Hope said. Kelley nodded at her to continue.

“You make me so happy Kelley, and you deserve so much better than someone like me. When things get rough I get scared and run. But if you let me try, each time I’ll run back faster.” Hope got it all out.

Kelley crawled out of her bed and went over to sit by Hope. She surprised the keeper by wrapping her arms around her waist and nuzzling into her neck. Hope felt like crying, Kelley didn’t hate her.

__

There's a crack in my window  
A bird in my room  
Angels all over  
That watch over you  
When I'm walking on water  
All my dreams have come true  
Still, nothing means nothing  
Without you, you

__

Hope didn't know this but Kelley loved her.

 

It seemed like everyone was aware of their feelings towards each other than….well them. It was Carli who first noticed her friend spending more and more time with the defender. Hope Solo, her friend who had walls of iron that never came down for anyone. She saw how soft Hope was around Kelley. She saw how her eyes tried to find Kelley in every room that she entered. She saw her eyes light up when her name was mentioned. Carli saw a  whole different side of Hope that she didn’t think was possible.  Tobin was the first one to noticed that infatuation that Kelley had for the keeper. Tobin Heath is one of the chillest people on the planet. Usually laid back and quiet, people think that she doesn’t care but she notices everything. She noticed how different Kelley held herself without Hope by her side. Tobin noticed how Kelley’s smile impossibility got wider when she saw Hope. She saw the stolen glances and the adoration. Tobin knew that when Kelley wanted to talk about it she’d approach her  so she stayed back and kept quiet about it.

 

Sky Blue was playing the Seattle Reign this weekend and Kelley could already feel her nerves settling in, a dull ache in her chest. Of course she was excited to get to see Hope and get to spend 2 days in Seattle. She was still nervous to play on the opposite team from Hope, what if she lets her team down. There has been this anxiety residing in her mind for a while now, scared to face the world. She found herself scared to let everyone down worse, to let Hope down. Kelley dragged herself out of bed after getting only 4 hours of sleep to be on time for practice. She connected with her teammates really well in scrimmaging so she felt a little less on edge. After practice she agreed to go grab a snack with Sam and her dog Brooklyn. The two girls drove around town aimlessly and finally settled on Panera.

 

“Are you ready for our game this weekend?” Sam asked munching on her bacon sandwich, they chose a seat close to the window.

“Yea dude, our team is connecting really well on the plays so I’m excited.” Kelley replied, she found herself hesitating for a split second.

“I bet Nikki 30 bucks that I’m gonna try to score a hat trick.” Sam grinned.

 

“Of course you did. Let’s destroy Seattle so I can rub it in Hope’s face.” Kelley smiled back giving Sam a fist bump.

 

Kelley was one of the last ones slipping onto the bus to the airport. She found her spot near the back and plugged in her earphones. She found herself drowning in her thoughts as they departed from the parking lot.

__

Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter (fighter)

'Cause all my life, I've been fighting

Never felt a feeling of comfort

All this time, I've been hiding

And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah

I'm so used to sharing

Love only left me alone

But I'm at one with the silence

__

Her teammates noticed Kelley’s personality dimming. Yes, she was still her bright and smiley self but something had been missing for a while. Her smiles didn’t reach her eyes as much and she seemed conflicted a lot.

 

20 minutes till the game started, Kelley focused visualizing the game in the locker room but all she could visualize was Hope. She felt herself loosen up and felt less nervous at the thought. Hope would be out there with her, not as her teammate, but she would be there.

__

I'm in need of a savior, but I'm not asking for favors

My whole life, I've felt like a burden

I think too much, and I hate it

I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring

Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence

__

She scored a point that night and assisted 2 more goals. Although Seattle never game up and put up a fight, Sky Blue won the game 4-2. After the game, Hope walked straight into the Sky Blue locker room not caring about her staff advising her against it. She got strange stares in the locker room but all she saw was Kelley bent over shoving her stuff in her bag.

 

“You in a hurry?” Hope asked causing Kelley’s head to snap up her eyes widening. She grinned and jumped into Hope’s arms ignoring the hoots and catcalls from her teammates. She hasn’t seen Hope in 3 full months, it was hell.

“You’re actually here.” Kelley pulled away and smiled up at her with adoration. Hope chuckled and rolled her eyes at Kelley.

 

“Come on O'Hara, I have to grab my stuff than we can head home if you want.”  Kelley nodded and slung her duffel over her shoulders.

  
“But I am home.” She said pulling Hope into another hug, the whole entire lockerroom burst into hoots and Sam shouted, “I’m so posting that to snap chat. It was 10/10 a love story moment.”   
  
Hope felt her face go red and glared at the girl. Kelley laughed and grabbed Hope’s hand and dragged her towards the Reign locker room. Hope grabbed her stuff and headed out towards her car bumping shoulders with Kelley.

“Why do people judge how we interact so much?” Kelley asked breaking the silence.

 

“Because they can’t handle our awesomeness.” Hope joked back earning a small punch to the shoulder. Kelley intertwined their fingers and swung their arms back and forth.

 

“I’m being serious dummy.”

Hope stuttered for a second really thinking about that question.

“It’s because we’re comfortable with each other. That’s probably it, they’re just teasing Kells don’t let it get to your head.” Hope said giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

 

Kelley stopped walking and turned towards Hope.  

“I’ve been really on edge for the past few months and I need to do something or else I think I’m going to burst.” Kelley said her eyes trying to find a light in Hope’s eyes.

“Okay,” Hope answered confused.

Kelley lunged forward and captured her lips in a searing kiss. It was over just as quick as it started, Hope was left dumbfounded while Kelley basically ran to Hope’s car. Hope ran after her and they walked for a minute in silence. She threw their bags in the trunk and faced Kelley.

 

“Why’d you do that?” Hope asked and saw Kelley’s face drop.

 

“Because I like you and that terrifies me. And I’m sorry if I crossed a line, I promise it’ll never happen again. I’m so sorry for kissing you. We can just forget that ever happened.” Kelley looked down at her shoes.

  
“No dumbo, why’d you run away?” Hope lifted Kelley’s chin and kissed her again, this kiss was gentle and slow like they had all the time in the world.

  
“Because I thought you didn’t want me.”

“I don’t want you. I need you.”

And maybe needing each other was enough to fill that ache in Kelley’s heart. Maybe that need is what had her so empty these past months.

__

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

 __

 

The team never really caught on to the change because there really wasn’t one. Their chemistry had always been this close and never changed. There was always lingering touches and loving gazes so no one really pointed it out. It had been 4 months since their first date and the duo couldn’t have been happier. It was hard at times with the distance but after Kelley was traded to FC Utah it was easier for them to visit each other.  This was during the olympic qualifier against Germany  one of the biggest games ever.

Kelley was silently freaking out on the bus to the game and the only person grounding her was Hope. She knew that she was a veteran and there was a lot of pressure on her back to perform greatness. It was a silent obligation that she had wearing her country’s crest on her chest. The pressure during her rookie years were never this much. Hope had always been there reassuring her and giving her advice on how she managed her stress. The duo never really talked to each other about how much affection they felt comfortable with in public but after the game when Hope earned her 100th shutout, Kelley pulled her in for a kiss.

A kiss in front of all the fans and staff in the middle of the field. Hope knew that ESPN and TMZ would be all over this but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She just held Kelley in her arms tightly, it was them against the world. That was the moment she knew that she wanted Kelley in her life forever. Hope could no longer picture a future without the young ball of sunshine. What surprised her more was that she knew she wasn’t going to run from this.

 

In just the next day tens of articles and posts were written about their kiss. Some said that maybe it was just the adrenaline (which made Kelley snort), and other sources started digging back to their old pictures to try to pinpoint when they started dating. Kelley had asked Hope if she was okay with this all and apologized many times. Hope was surprisingly calm, she was glad that everyone knew Kelley was hers and she was Kelleys.

 

“I don’t wanna continue hiding my love for you.” Was all she said to reassure Kelley to stop apologizing. Hope’s family tweeted her a lot of mean stuff but she was overwhelmed by the love that and support that she got from her fans and friends. She never really expected her family to support her anyways.

 

The team was overjoyed, when Tobin first saw them in the middle of the field she tapped Alex on the shoulders and asked for her $20. Turns out Krieger and Harris also made a bet on when they’d get together. Kelley’s family had always supported her on all that she chose to do and her sexuality. It was something that she always felt comfortable with. Eventually they were sat down by the staff asking them to release a public statement about the nature of their relationship and the duo agreed.

 

“ _Kelley and I are together, It’s simple, it's love. And what I want people to get from this is how our love makes us better people on and off the field. We want to be judged on the way we play for our country and club rather than who we love._ ” -Released by Hope Solo through ESPNW news.

 

“ _Hope is this loving caring person that isn’t portrayed that way through the media. I’m proud to call her mind. I want to make it clear that on the field we are strictly professional that being said, that love is still there. That love is what makes us great_. It's quite simple actually.” - Kelley O'Hara during a post-game interview.

__

Why can't you hold me in the street?

Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't we be like that?

'Cause I'm yours

__


	2. Let her go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the Angst!!! I just wanted some heartbreak cause I was feeling depressed. I'll fix them soon:) The song is Let her go by Passenger.  
> P.s I apologize for not updating this fic and my other one. I've been busying with soccer (yay! soccer)  
> Enjoy having your heart ripped out!

Everyone’s first assumption was that Hope left her. They thought that Hope left Kelley and now she’s broken again. Hope didn’t mind the assumptions, it’s not like she was ever not a complete outsider. She stayed quiet and kept to herself, she was glad Kelley had her friends to hold her up.

Hope could handle the dirty glances she got and the hate on twitter, but it doesn’t mean she wasn’t breaking inside.

 

___

Staring at the bottom of your glass

Hoping one day you'll make a dream last

But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies

___

The only one it seems in Hope’s corner was Carli, the only person who knew the truth. Carli had urged her to tell people the truth. But she didn't listen.

 

She left and seemed to do just fine. Except she wasn’t because she had left her heart at the door in Seattle. Now there was just this hollow space of what used to be. A symbol of what she did and who she left behind. The team, of course, stood beside her, they assumed she was the victim. She was scared so she left Hope before Hope could leave her. She knew deep down that it was irrational and she should’ve communicated. But Hope seemed happy so she didn’t want to drag it back into her life. It hurt her every time Hope was isolated during team events. She tried to tell Hope she was going to tell the team it was her all along and not Hope. The keeper just scoffed and looked at her exhausted and tell her to drop it. Those eyes devoid of all emotion kept Kelley up all night. She did that, she broke the strongest person she knew. She hurt the person she was supposed to love and protect. So she let her go live her life, checking in every once in a while. By checking in Kelley means scrolling through Hope’s social media and asking Pinoe how she’s doing.

 

And when Hope announced that she was engaged months later, Kelley’s heart shattered into a million pieces. Her heart was still with Hope but Hope’s heart belonged to someone else now. Someone who wasn’t Kelley, a man who could love her right. So Kelley put on a smile and congratulated her. Because she was the one who left, not Hope.

 

__

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

__

 

A drunken night is all it took to tear down the walls. A drunken night in the streets of Dublin with two people trying to forget they’re in love.

It started with Hope blurting out, “Why did you leave me? Was I not good enough?” and Kelley bursting into tears. It ended with two people connecting again, sitting in the middle of a soccer pitch and just talking about any and everything. It’s funny how everything always leads back to the middle of the soccer pitch.

It was talking about they’re personal hell and comforting each other. It was even just for one night, letting down their iron gates and letting the water spill out for a breath of fresh air. It was Kelley and Hope allowing themselves to let someone in. Because life is so hard without someone, to share and laugh with.

Since a young age, Hope was taught to be self-reliant and to face the world with a ready smile. To only cry behind layers of closed doors. To suffer silently without bothering anyone. She used to care and love so much but that ruined her.

So she stood brave facing whatever the world threw at her. She handled it alone and with grace. Hope had perfected the art of being ok so well that no one could see through her. She found peace in training day in and out. Constantly repeating her mantra almost afraid if she stops repeating it she’ll break. And all those walls she spent years trying to fortify will just fall and she’ll be vulnerable.

That night she shared all of this the good the bad the ugly, and Kelley listened. She listened and she swore to herself that she would never let Hope feel like this.

Kelley didn’t have a bad childhood. It was far from that, she was taught from a young age to love and never shy away from who she was. That couldn’t protect her from the people that made her feel worthless. That didn’t protect her from feeling like maybe she wasn’t made for love because it seemed like everyone she fell for ended up leaving.

And maybe they don’t belong together because all they do is destroy each other again and again.

It reminded Kelley of the time that her naive self-asked her mom if love was worth the pain and her mom simply responded with a “No.” and Kelley, asked her why. Because all the love stories on tv and her story books all seem so perfect and right. She asked her again, “But don’t you think love is worth it?”

Her mom knelt down in front of her and gently grabbed her chin looking in her eyes.

“No, not if it destroys who you are.”

Maybe just maybe mama doesn’t always know best, that’s what she’s hoping anyway.

 

__

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can’t replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

__

They stumbled back into the team hotel together at 3 in the morning. Both slipping into Kelley’s hotel room, miraculously without waking Becky up. They were probably too drunk to even acknowledge the fact that they fell asleep in each other’s arms that night.

There was an awkward encounter with Becky the following morning but it was more about the fact that they let themselves get this hungover. Becky just simply handed them a bottle of water and some Advil and told them that breakfast was in 30 minutes.

Kelley was the first to shower, she wanted to get some time to herself to process what happened last night. Of course, nothing really happened, other than the talking. But it was like she saw this side of Hope she’d never seen before and that made her feel some sense of hope (no pun intended). She was deep in thought when Hope knocked on the door.

“I’m almost finished.” She said pulling open the curtains a little to see Hope peeking through the door with a towel.

“Forget something?” She asked handing it to her. Kelley accepted it, a blush creeping onto her face.

“Thanks.” She muttered. She shut down the water and climbed out of the shower dressing in a t-shirt and some warm-up pants.

Hope was waiting outside the bathroom when Kelley exited. She entered quietly and closed the door behind her.  Kelley sat down on her bed and found herself waiting for Hope.

Eventually, after Hope showered and got dressed they made their way down to the dining area together silently. Both unsure about what to say despite the tension in the air. Some of the team looked very surprised at the sight of them even within 5 feet of each other. They didn’t acknowledge it and simply just turned their heads and continued to do what they were before.

Hope and Kelley sat at different tables and acted like nothing happened. When Kelley grabbed her food and plopped down next to Allie and Alex they started interrogating her.

“So what happened wormy?” Allie asked her eyebrows raising.

Kelley shrugged, “What do you mean?” She didn’t really feel like talking about what happened. It’s not like anything happened, it’s also none of anyone’s business.

“You and Hope both being late to breakfast?” Alex said chipping in.

Kelley took a bite of her omelet and sighed at the nausea that shook through her body. Internally cursing herself for not trying to prevent a hangover.

“Nothing happened. I don’t want to talk about it.” Alex gave Allie a look and shrugged, they knew that their friend wanted some space to think so they changed the subject.

Over at Hope’s table, Becky was quietly lecturing her on how reckless it was to not report back for curfew and that she was quite worried when Kelley didn’t return to the hotel room. Hope responded by rolling her eyes which got her into another lecture by Carli about how they could’ve gotten hurt.

All through the day, the pair acted like nothing happened. They stayed very far apart as usual and kept to themselves. But something was different, Hope couldn’t help her poignant stares and Kelley would sneak looks at her thinking she wouldn’t notice.

That was the last day they would be spending in Dublin before flying back their separate ways. The team spent it sightseeing and walking through the streets together. But Kelley’s mind was 1,000 miles away, everything just came rushing back to her. Everything about Hope, how peaceful she looks when they wake up together. The soft spot behind Hope’s ears that was her weakness. The way she curled up with her at night. She couldn’t get out of her head. Because Hope was engaged and last night she told her she still loved her. Because she wrecked this up and yet Hope still loves her.

After Kelley returned to her hotel room that evening, Becky had her stuff with her exiting their room.

“Are you flying out early?” Kelley asked her, looking up from her phone.

“No, Sonnet and Lavelle wanted me to sleep over, is that ok?” Becky asked.

“Of course, have fun,” Kelley responded offering her a smile. It’s not like she was going to be any fun anyway, she couldn’t get Hope out of her head and it was killing her. She was about to break and she knew she was in over her head. Kelley flopped down on her bed and sighed. When did life get so complicated?

She laid there for about 15 minutes deep in thought before she lazily got up to brush her teeth and slip into bed. Someone opened the door and quietly closed the door, Kelley assumed Becky forgot something so she just kept her eyes closed, she wasn’t in the mood for small talk. But when a warm body snuck into bed beside her she stiffened. Then she turned around as she recognized the honey rose scent, the scent that slowly faded from the old Huskies hoodie back home. That’s all it took, and Kelley broke, every string in her snapped. Hope wrapped her arms around her waist and brought her closer as she cried into her chest. Her shoulders rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath. It broke the keeper’s heart even more if that was even possible.

It wasn’t until Kelley calmed down her crying to sniffles that she saw the tears streaming down Hope’s face. She looked into her pained eyes and wiped away her tears with her thumb.

“I’m so sorry. I made the biggest mistake of my life and now you’re his.” Kelley’s voice was weak and vulnerable.

“I will never be his. Because I’m already yours. Please never leave me.” Hope’s voice quiets almost whispering.

“I’ll stay. Baby, I’m so sorry. God, I’m so sorry. I never thought I’d be able to hold you again. We have stuff we need to work out. If he makes you happy then stay with him, your happiness is all that matters to me.”

Hope snuggled her face into Kelley’s neck, almost like she was hiding from the world.

“You deserve to be happy too. My happiness is you, Kelley, it’s always been you.”

__

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

__

 

 

Kelley flew home with her, literally. She refused to return to New Jersey since she had 2 weeks before pre-season. Kelley literally bought a ticket to Seattle even if they were sat 4 rows apart. Hope acted like she wasn’t having an internal battle with herself on if this was a bad idea or not.

Kelley nicely asked the person next to Hope if there was any way they could switch and the older man just nodded and switched with her. She knew that Hope would be silently freaking out about the whole airplane ride, it happens every time. The keeper hated not being grounded which was kind of ironic because she was a keeper. Keepers are the leaders, jumping everywhere and using their body to defend the goal. The big bad keeper was afraid of not being on the ground.

Hope was surprised when Kelley plopped down by her, stowing her bags away under the seat.

“I thought you were a few rows ahead?” Hope asked tightening her seatbelt and triple checking that there were air-sickness bags.

“I switched, is that ok?” Kelley asked grabbing Hope’s hands and intertwining it with her own to stop her fidgeting.

“Yea, it’s ok.” Hope stuttered looking down at their hands.

She was engaged, to a guy. And she’s holding hands with a girl that was not that guy. And she loves someone who isn’t her fiance. Hope sighed and shook the thought away. She would have to sort things out and reflect on everything but for now being here is enough. She was so deep in thought that she didn’t realize or acknowledge the take-off.  
__  
All I want is nothing more  
To hear you knocking at my door  
'Cause if I could see your face once more  
I could die as a happy man I'm sure  
__  
“Why did you leave me, Kelley?” Hope asked her voice sounded so small.

Kelley took a breath and looked at her, “because all of my life everyone left me, so when I realized I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. I left because I felt like you had so much power to break my heart.”

Hope couldn’t help her heartbreaking a little as she heard that. Kelley thought she would leave her? She was ready to commit to her, to build a life.

“I was ready to love you forever,” Hope said, and it was out there. No more walls, just a statement.

Kelley started tearing up. Hope, someone who always seemed unattainable was going to stay.

“What about now?” Kelley asked scared to know the answer.

“I still am. But I’m engaged, Kelley. I promised someone else forever.” Hope said, wanting to bang her head into a wall at her stupidity.

“Oh ok,” Kelley replied looking down and putting back her hand. Hope put her arms around Kelley’s shoulders and pulled her in, kissing her head. Kelley was absolutely exhausted and found herself falling asleep. Her face tucked into the crook of Hope’s neck.

__  
When you said your last goodbye  
I died a little bit inside  
I lay in tears in bed all night  
Alone without you by my side  
But If you loved me  
Why did you leave me  
__  
Hope and Kelley bickered about where Kelley would stay. 

“Hope, I’m not going to stay in your house. I’m gonna get a hotel room. I’m only staying for a few days anyway.” Kelley said and that was the end of the conversation. She didn’t want to spend time in Hope’s house. Where she and Jerramy lived together. She didn’t even want to see him.

“At least let me pay for the hotel.” Hope insisted, Kelley realized that the girl was not going to stop until she let her pay for it so she agreed.

Hope really didn’t want to go home to Jerramy. They were in the middle of a fight when Hope had to leave for camp. She knew that Jerramy would probably be out drinking with his friends or doing god knows what she returned.

Kelley absolutely just collapsed onto her hotel bed. Traveling always left her emotionally and physically drained. The fact that her mind has been going at 100mph thinking about Hope all day either.

  
Was she overthinking this? Is this simple and they’re just complicating things. Could Hope forgive her for hurting her like she did? Kelley was drowning in guilt.

She laid on her made bed for hours just thinking, staring up at the ceiling.

__  
Cause you brought out the best of me  
A part of me I'd never seen  
You took my soul wiped it clean  
Our love was made for movie screens  
__  
They both fell asleep that night on separate beds knowing one thing.  
They had nothing figured out but they had each other and a whole lifetime of tomorrows.  
So they could figure it out tomorrow.

 

Is it even up to her to decide what’s best for Hope? Or to decide what she deserves? Or is it up to some bigger force in the galaxy somewhere. Does she understand these ugly components are a part of life. Because that’s the beautiful part of life, the heartbreak. Because you heal, and you learn about the strength that is within you. Kelley was wise for someone who was so light-hearted. She was a fixer of the world. But this time, she broke the one person who she loved the most. And as much as Kelley wishes that she could just turn back the time and fix things this isn’t about her. This isn’t about her wanting Hope, this is about whether or not Hope wanted her even after what she did to her.

 

So Kelley waited for Hope, she wasted time away trudging through the city finding new coffee shops and going down by the water. She saw a little bit of hope in every part of Washington. She finally understood why Hope called this Home. It was something about the people, the movement and the buzz. You can never be not busy in this city, never a dull moment. She remembered as she tasted the rich coffee how Hope said proudly one time that “No matter how much coffee Kelley buys her, it’ll never beat Seattle coffee.” Kelley had acted offended at that time but now sitting by the waterside, sipping on a cup of fine coffee, she finally understood.

 

Hope and Jerramy both knew that it was coming. They knew that their marriage wasn’t going to last from the start but he wanted someone to go home to and she wanted someone to distract her from Kelley. It was a silent day in their house, Jerramy had left and said he’d come back for his stuff when she leaves again. He offered her a tight hug and left, and even though Hope never was able to give all of her to him. She felt like a little part of her left with him. And maybe that’s how it is, you give a little part of yourself to everyone you love and maybe it’s not a big part. But when they leave they take it with them. Yes, she was never really completely in love with him, but some part of her loved him on some level. He was good to her most of the time, and treated her with respect. But sometimes it isn’t enough to just coexist under one roof.

Hope called Kelley later that day and asked her if she could meet her at her hotel room. Kelley agreed and texted her the room number.

 

She didn’t even process Hope knocking on her door because she was so deep in thought. For a second Hope thought that maybe she had the wrong room number, Kelley ran to the door and opened it.

 

She was surprised that Kelley looked very nervous to be around her.

 

“Come in.” Kelley offered stepping to the side. Hope stepped  inside the small hotel room, shaking off her shoes in the process.

 

“I’m sorry.” Kelley said wiping her hands on her jeans nervously.

 

“Sometimes I screw up really bad, and sometimes I run away. I used to think that I wasn’t made for love. Then I met you, Kelley, you. You were this hyper rookie at first but there was something I couldn’t put my finger on. You made me feel grounded and safe, and like I mattered to you. But then you left, and suddenly it felt like everything crashed down. And I felt stupid and embarrassed. Because of course you would leave, you have this future ahead of you and if I was you I wouldn’t want me a part of it either. But I couldn’t be sad because everyone thought I screwed up, and I dealt with it in my own stupid ways. Even if it meant marrying Jerramy because he felt safe.”

 

By now tears were streaming down Kelley’s face. They stood on opposite sides of the room and just looked at each other.

  


“I’m so sorry. Oh my god, I’m such a horrible person. Oh my god. Oh my god.” Kelley sniffled and Hope handed her the tissue box.

 

“I knew I made the biggest mistake of my life the day I left. I know it stupid but I was scared Hope. I was scared because I love you and that gave you a lot of power over me. And now I realize that’s not how things go. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please let me make it up to you. Please give me another chance.” Kelley sputtered out.

 

Kelley knew that nothing is for certain, especially in their profession. She knew that she could wake up one day and be taken off of every roster and be traded across the nation. That’s the part that’s always excited and motivated her. But she didn’t want to be uncertain about this. It’s the surest she’s ever been. And yea, that scares her to death but look where that got her.

 

So yes, everything may be uncertain and it feels like it never stops, but Hope is like her anchor keeping her from being swept away in it all.

 

Hope can’t stand watching Kelley cry, all she wanted to do was wrap her up in her arms and never let go. But they had to work through this before she lets her in again.

 

“I want you in my future, I can’t imagine you with anyone else. I want to wake up next to you. I-I”

  
Hope shook her head and gave in. She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Kelley letting her cry into her chest. She couldn’t stop a few tears slipping out herself as she held Kelley.

__

You got a fast car

I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better

__

 

Hope stood there protectively her chin placed on top of Kelley’s head.

 

“You wanna go get something to eat?” Hope mumbled into Kelley’s hair. Kelley pulled back and nodded, wiping her eyes.

 

Hope smiled down at her, she reached out and tucked of strand of hair behind her ears. She gently kissed Kelley’s forehead.

  
“You ready?” Kelley asked her voice raspy from crying.

 

“Yea,” Hope answered.

 

There was a peaceful silence between the two girls. Hope drove them down to her favorite joint, Lola’s. It was a small burger diner decorated like it was in the 60’s, bar stool, neon lights, and jukeboxes.

 

They slid into the corner seat enclosed in their own bubble. The waiter came over and took their order.

 

Kelley ordered a fattening double-decker cheese hamburger and Hope ordered a veggie burger.

 

“How long are you going to stay?” Hope finally addressed the big elephant in the room.

 

Kelley shrugged her shoulders, well I have to go into pre-season stuff in two weeks so as long as you’ll have me.”

 

They were visibly more relaxed around each other. They laughed and teased each other and talked about everything. Everything that they’ve wanted to share but haven’t. It was like this boulder was lifted from between them.

 

The week was spent exploring new coffee shops and taking ferry rides into the sunset Hope made sure to show Kelley all of her favorite places in Washington and even taking her up the space needle. It was waking up every morning to each other. It was relearning habits and finding new quirks they missed in the time spent apart. It was making up for lost time.

 

__

You got a fast car

I got a plan to get us out of here

I been working at the convenience store

Managed to save just a little bit of money

Won't have to drive too far

Just 'cross the border and into the city

__

And it ended with a tearful goodbye at the airport but with a promise of tomorrows and forever.

 

They were going to be okay.

 

Kelley felt like she could breathe again.

 

Hope had trouble getting out of her head sometimes, everyone knew this. But there were parts of her people didn’t ever see. The parts that she kept hidden away, with a smile and a reassuring excuse.

 

No one ever sees the days when she couldn’t get herself out of bed because life seemed so dreary. They don’t see the way she just sits there staring off into the distance, her mind numb. They don’t see the way she waits till she gets home before she breaks down in tears, not really quite sure why she’s crying. She’s not sure, but there’s always going to be bad days that’s what she knows for sure. That’s depression, you can go a while and have great days and suddenly you break and have a really bad one. This was the part that she never shared, because who would want to stick around for someone as messed up as her? How does she explain to the person she loves that sometimes life can be really good but she will still feel like her world is crashing down. How does she tell her that sometimes she can’t function because she feels like she’s drowning. How does she explain how hard it’s been doing it alone?

__

They say don't let them in

Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again

But when I'm all alone, they show up on their own

'Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire

Inner demons don't play by the rules.

__

So she was terrified of letting Kelley into this  part of her. Of explaining to her why she really wasn’t ok. But she did, because she loves her, more than anything in this world. And Hope was convinced that Kelley would leave, because that’s what everyone else has done. None of her family ever understood her mind, her struggles. They just told her that she was ungrateful for the wonderful life she had and that she was crazy. It’s been years since anyone has stopped her and asked her  _Are you Ok?_

 

The only person who even remotely knows about her struggle was Carli, who has held her countless nights when she wasn’t sure she wanted to see another day. And she couldn’t be more thankful for someone like her.

 

So when Kelley didn’t leave, she was surprised. Now she just felt guilty for ever doubting Kelley. All Kelley did was hug her and told her that she didn’t have to go through this alone, that was it. That’s all it took for Hope to realize that she was the one, she was her forever.

 

She was surer a week later when the Reign played Utah and Hope had a bad game. As happy Kelley was that her team won she put her team aside and dropped everything for her. She knew that Hope had bad panic attacks after bad games. So she made them a nice bath and washed Hope’s hair and put in a movie for a night in, she took care of her.

__

Angels don't give up on me today

'Cause the demons they are there, they just keep biting

'Cause inner demons just won't go away

So angels please, hear my prayer

__

And the care never stopped, Kelley was always there. Even if she was exhausted she would just lay on facetime with Hope when she didn’t want to talk. She always knew when to give her space and when to not leave her alone. Kelley could read her like an open book, and for the first time, she didn’t mind.

  
Because it was nice to have someone to struggle with. Someone to say I got you. Someone to laugh with, to share the wonders of life. Someone to watch games with even though they’re cheering on different teams. Someone to hold at night.

 

And yes they don’t get to have that everyday because of the distance, but even from afar Hope knew that she didn’t want to have a future without Kelley in it. And it was time to settle down.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is All my Life by WILD. 
> 
> By the way, I combined a few chapters together, it looked nicer together and strung better. So don't get confused.  
> I know that this chapter is shorter than the others but I think that it's the ending they deserve.  
> This is the final chapter of my favorite love story that I made up. Thank's for following along and supporting this.
> 
> Enjoy!

Her heart was hammering in her chest as she checked her pockets for the 15th time in the past 5 minutes. Carli grabbed her hand and sighed, “Hope, she’s going to realize something is going on.”

 

For Hope to be sure about something it took a long time. Maybe it was because she didn’t let many people in. Maybe it was because she always doubted herself. But when it came to Kelley, she has never been so sure in her life. But the problem is, was Kelley sure about her?   
  
Hope let out a breath and nodded, “What if she says no in front of 15,000 people.” Carli rolled her eyes and groaned, “For the 200th time Hope, the girl is head over heels in love with you. And plus you’re the one who chose to propose at a game.” 

 

Hope glared at her and playfully punched her. 

 

Carli got up and offered a hand, “Come on Solo, we have a game to win, and you have a wife to get.” 

 

Hope refused to let her nervousness affect the way that she played. Instead of letting the thought of Kelley blow her away, she used her to stay grounded. 

 

She watched her backline and how strong they were all 90 minutes. She only had to make 2 saves that were outside the box. 

 

After the game the team went to greet fans as usual. Hope was buzzing with excitement as the staff set up the jumbotron. About a month ago, Hope gathered a bunch of clips of her and Kelley and sent it for them to edit. 

 

After they finished Kelley got ready to head into the locker room but she noticed that her whole team stayed on the field. She was confused but she joined them anyway. 

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention over on the jumbotron please.” The announcer’s voice boomed.

 

 

__

We're holding on through all the years

Looking back brings me to tears

Oh, I

Wanna see this through

All I know is how I feel

And all I want is what is real

Oh, I'm

Gonna stand by you

__

Kelley glanced up at the Jumbotron as the video started, she smiled to herself when her favorite song started playing. Then her eyes widened as she saw herself on the screen. It was a video that was filmed during Hope’s birthday. She wasn’t even aware that this video was ever filmed. Hope had felt overwhelmed with joy and Kelley pulled her into the kitchen for a private moment. Kelley was pressed against Hope’s chest and they were swaying in their own little world. 

 

Hope’s eyes were on Kelley the whole time, watching her reaction. Kelley was stunned, her eyes glued on the screen as pictures and videos popped up.

 

They made a montage of all the times Kelley ran back to Hope after they scored and celebrated with her.

 

Was this what she thought it was? Was Hope….Proposing? This would explain why the keeper had been on edge these last few days. Kelley thought she was just nervous about the game so she didn’t press too much into it. 

 

__

Even on your darkest days

You know that I will never change

Oh, I

Will love you the same

__

The audience awed as the video faded to black, Kelley turned around to see Hope kneeling in front of her. 

 

Hope smiled up at her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

 

“Kelley...Baby, I don’t know where to start. I didn’t expect to fall for you, to fall for your jokes, and pranks, and smile. I didn’t plan to love waking up to you, to love to fall asleep in your arms. I didn’t expect you to open me up, you made my narrow world bigger. You filled my life with love, warmth, and so much happiness. The first time I met you there was something special about you. I just couldn’t look away. I couldn’t figure out why for a long time. But eventually, I figured it out. I couldn’t look away because you were beautiful, inside and out. Eventually, I figured out I was screwed because I want you around my whole life. Not a few years, not a few months. Kelley to be by your side through the good days, and the horrible days. I want to see you succeed and catch you if you fall. I’m not going to ask for a while. I’m going to be selfish and ask you for forever. Kelley O'Hara, will you marry me?” 

Kelley was speechless, all she could manage is to nod and cry. Hope let out a breath she was holding and slipped the ring onto her finger. The whole stadium erupted into cheers and applause, and everyone stood up. It was overwhelming, her whole life standing in front of her. She was here on the soccer field, her first love, asking Kelley for forever. And Kelley said yes because maybe they deserve forever. Maybe not every love story is supposed to end like a fairytale. But maybe just maybe, their story could. 

 

And that was good enough for Hope.

 

It’s not the promise of forever because they both knew that it was not realistic.

 

But a promise of as long as I breathe. 

 

And maybe? That’s good enough.


End file.
